We all know that language has a huge power and affects people’s behavior and relationship. I’ve read so many novels, which constantly unveil the magic but deceptive words of love. some one them showed us how foolish the lovers were or how silly the innocent heroine who was just indulging in cliché. I was also deeply interested in sociolinguistic and learned how the political or commercial rhetoric worked out on the mass.
But however, I never linked my studies to my daily life, less to many problems which pop out in my family just because of some careless words. We are basically selfish people, who defense first ourselves in all circumstances. Even a little misunderstanding can quickly turn out to be a disaster. When we are mad, we tend to talk more and less carefully. Even the subject of quarrel was forgot days or years later, we may still stick to some uncomfortable words and tried to explain it by guessing what it meant deeply. These harmful words didn’t mean anything but just a way of let the violence go out of the body. Unfortunately, they have more power than weapons and they refused to die out in our memory.
One of my friend, who is ten years older than me, told me seriously a golden rule for maintaining a good marriage life: never say anything bad to define one person. I didn’t understand it when I was young and enjoyed the believed eternal love. Life is a journey and as he said, we tend to define others more and more easily and quickly. My mom kept complaining about my dad, using all the same type of sentence. “He is selfish!””He never cared about me.”… If all was true, there was no hope. But I just listened in stead of confirming these points to comfort her. But I didn’t expected to remember these words and never thought one day I would repeat it as a proof of my dad’s defect or replace these words on my husband’s behavior.
Sadly, most of such harmful words have long life and they are stored in a certain area of our brain. The next time when we shout out at the same person, we eagerly solicit them to show how meanly we were treated, having forgotten what we said from our part. More weapons only make the situation worse.
The worst part in a couple’s dispute is that often the woman, in order to calm herself, talked about it with friends or other family members. It seems that we Chinese people are more likely to do it. But unfortunately, when we talk to the third person, we all try to magnify those hateful words and exaggerate the issue. That only helps to make the memory clearer and more biased.
It’s not hard to be polite in public while it’s really hard to be polite and respectful to our family members. Studies have show us a hug gap between language and truth, but if we remember it, we will take seriously into account the bad effects of our words and we will forgive others more easily. If we are not ready to accept the dialectic application of this truth, just let the silence in and control our impulsive violence.