Why so much verbal violence?

I have difficulty to tolerate the verbal violence which goes viral on social media. Every day, there are so many topics which can arouse the mass’s anger. Even it doesn’t concern one’s interest, showing the anger seems make people feel good, as if one has run for one hour and has swept a lot.

So when Australian swimmer Horton attacked Sun Yang as a “drug cheat” after winning the match, the most popular social media in China was exploded. Although Facebook and Instagram are censured, people found ways to get over the wall and refuted. Among the comments on Horton’s personal pages, most were personal attacks, witch revealed rather a pleasure of attack than a reasonable suggestion. The Olympic games seemed turn out to be an international war and the nationalism seemed have gained the pervasive favor.

However, when you check the situation seriously, it was so easy to attack someone on web, especially when you have a nick name which helps to hide your identity. Life is so boring in office and people need to have exciting issues to approve their existence. There is a hunger to express whatever. If we consider all these verbiage as real statements of people’s will, it would be definitely horrible. In this landscape, we only see hatred and fanaticism.

All topics can be, at a certain moment, the national’s big concern: corruption, pollution and moral fallacy…However, two days later, one month later, people have forgotten all the past controversial debate, because the actuality offers more fresh issues which allow the mass to let out their own barbarism.The same anger for different subjects. It’s so easy.

When you want to say something reasonable or have an opposing opinion, you will soon become the new object of attacks. You never know who is talking but if you are the dissent, people will soon know who you are. There are more who just enjoy this spectacle of violence and keep joking of both sides, as if they were watching a movie.

“It’s only verbal violence! Never mind!” suggested some, “the world is a soap drama, the most interesting and successful one.”

I said nothing but I’m disappointing and frustrated, because once we are familiar with violence, even it seems minor, we are letting the evil gain a little more place in our generous heart and nibble the kindness which is so hard to cultivate back.

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The power of language

We all know that language has a huge power and affects people’s behavior and relationship. I’ve read so many novels, which constantly unveil the magic but deceptive words of love. some one them showed us how foolish the lovers were or how silly the innocent heroine who was just indulging in cliché. I was also deeply interested in sociolinguistic and learned how the political or commercial rhetoric worked out on the mass.

But however, I never linked my studies to my daily life, less to many problems which pop out in my family just because of some careless words. We are basically selfish people, who defense first ourselves in all  circumstances. Even a little misunderstanding can quickly turn out to be a disaster. When we are mad, we tend to talk more and less carefully. Even the subject of quarrel was forgot days or years later, we may still stick to some uncomfortable words and tried to explain it by guessing what it meant deeply. These harmful words didn’t mean anything but just a way of let the violence go out of the body. Unfortunately, they have more power than weapons and they refused to die out in our memory.

One of my friend, who is ten years older than me, told me seriously a golden rule for maintaining a good marriage life: never say anything bad to define one person. I didn’t understand it when I was young and enjoyed the believed eternal love. Life is a journey and as he said, we tend to define others more and more easily and quickly. My mom kept complaining about my dad, using all the same type of sentence. “He is selfish!””He never cared about me.”… If all was true, there was no hope. But I just listened in stead of confirming these points to comfort her. But I didn’t expected to remember these words and never thought one day I would repeat it as a proof of my dad’s defect or replace these words on my husband’s behavior.

Sadly, most of such harmful words have long life and they are stored in a certain area of our brain. The next time when we shout out at the same person, we eagerly solicit them to show how meanly we were treated, having forgotten what we said from our part. More weapons only make the situation worse.

The worst part in a couple’s dispute is that often the woman, in order to calm herself, talked about it with friends or other family members. It seems that we Chinese people  are more likely to do it. But unfortunately, when we talk to the third person, we all try to magnify those hateful words and exaggerate the issue. That only helps to make the memory clearer and more biased.

It’s not hard to be polite in public while it’s really hard to be polite and respectful to our family members. Studies have show us a hug gap between language and truth, but if we remember it, we will take seriously into account the bad effects of our words and we will forgive others more easily. If we are not ready to accept the dialectic application of this truth, just let the silence in and control our impulsive violence.